For my mother

Tomorrow marks an important thing for me, my first ever Weight Watchers meeting. So what am I doing up so late you may ask? What else, I'm writing. I had recently received an email about the American Heart Association's Go Red campaign, though it's hardly anything new to me. Heart health has always been on my mind, and I knew about the Red Dress not long after it first began. I still have my pin as a matter of fact.

So tonight, I'm up late writing for my mother. Technically it's for myself, but it's about my mother, and my daughter. And in all honesty, for you and your mother as well. Some of you may know most of this, but I think it's a safe bet that many do not...here's a little insight into my life:

On a beautiful day in October 1985 an equally beautiful child was born, that child was me. A day later my mother was near death for the first time in my life, and unfortunately it wouldn’t be the last. Clearly I have no memory of the first years, however, it’s a time neither of my parents will soon forget.

I was a happy and very talkative child, but they could tell something wasn’t quite right. I would struggle to eat the smallest amount of food, exhausted at the energy it required out of me to even down just two little ounces. The doctors were convinced that I had a hole in my heart, a terrifying perspective. However, thankfully, after many tests and much anguish they found a much less severe culprit: patent ductus arteriosis, or PDA. After having corrective surgery at 18 months old, we thought all the heart problems were over, but we were wrong.

Nearly nine years went by and I continued to do perfectly well, though I had gotten, and still am, overweight. My parents had divorced not long after my PDA scare, and my half brother had gone through the same procedure after a PDA diagnosis of his own. It was around this time when the first signs showed up, though this time my mother had them. She was tired all the time, and the littlest bit of physical activity drained her. I can distinctly remember where she had cut a small section of carpet to pull up; we were trying to refinish the flooring. I remember after she cut it, she tried to pull at it to rip the carpet up, and with all her strength she couldn’t make the tiniest difference. It was then I knew something was really wrong, and I think she did too.

When she finally went to the doctor we found out she had congestive heart failure, among other heart health issues. She was barely past 40 then. They told her she needed open heart surgery to repair/replace her heart valve, at the time they weren’t exactly sure which. And so, the Monday after summer vacation started, just days after I said goodbye to elementary school, my mother said goodbye to me. It was one of the most terrifying days of my life. I wasn’t sure if I would see her again, and neither was she.

It was about two weeks later when she was released from the hospital, and while other 12 year olds hung out at the beach and with friends, I was at home with my mother, helping her recover. My father would come and pick me up every few days to run to the grocery store, and help me get all the items we needed. The first week she needed help with everything, including keeping the dogs from pulling off her oxygen. I think that was probably the biggest challenge. She also needed help getting up to go to the bathroom. I know she hated asking, but she was so strong and it was only a matter of days before she was fine on her own. Even her doctors were impressed by her strength and determination.

As the years passed, she continually relapsed. It seems like an every 2-3 year rule with her, including the defibrillator that she had put in just last month. But she’s still here and that’s all that matters to me. I know that one day this disease will kill her, and I hate that. I hate that something preventable will take the most important person in my life away from me. A woman that I spend so much time with, that she can tell just by the slightest infliction in my voice that something is wrong.

It’s because of this disease that I write. I look at my beautiful daughter and all I can think about is that I don’t want her to experience this pain. I look at her, and all I can think is thank God my mother lived long enough to see her born. Then I wonder how much of her grandchild’s life will my mother miss because of cardiovascular disease? Too many daughters and sons have had to ask that question, and far too many have had to answer with “all”.

My mother and I have collectively decided to make a change in our lives. The first step, for me at least, is weight. Together, as a united front, we will work to get ourselves to a healthier weight. In fact we are attending our first Weight Watchers meeting at 8AM tomorrow. She continues to go to cardiac rehab three times a week, and I will begin my relentless pursuit to run a 5k this year.

For now all we have to show are our scars, though I like to think of hers more like badges of honor. Each one shows a pivotal point in her life where she has fought, and fought hard to survive. The first, from a C-section that nearly took her from me; the second, an open heart surgery that kept her here; and the third, a defibrillator that will one day, hopefully, bring her back.

Challenge for the Married Ladies

What better way to practice so I can complete #26 on my list of 101 things in 1001 days?

Sunday Update #1

Today is my first update on my 101 Things in 1001 days task. My plan is to update my blog once a month with a little message on each of the 101 things that I have worked on.

92. Earn my AA.

I am currently enrolled in two classes at FCCJ. I'm waiting to hear back about financial aid so that I can hopefully take one or two more, but it's a start. I already have 16 credit hours so I've completed 25% of the required courses already! My two clases are: Human Growth and Development, and Humanities: 15th to 20th Centuries.

77. Learn sign language.

Right now I've only learned a few basics, though I already knew a little so I just need to refresh the alphabet and numbers. I've debated about taking some ASL (American Sign Language) classes at FCCJ but I haven't decided yet. Since I took three years of Spanish in high school I don't have to take a foreign language in school.

71. Teach Bailey sign language.

We have two DVD's that help to teach sign language that we've had Bailey watch. I work with her on it, and try to sign to her when I do things. So far we have worked a lot with: more, eat, drink, mommy, and daddy.

64. Lose 60 lbs.

At this point there hasn't been any weight loss, though I haven't officially started yet either. I bet now you are asking yourself, "if she hasn't started then how can this be something she updates?" Well I have a plan of action that I have been putting together this week and it goes into effect tomorrow. First thing in the morning I will weight myself. ACK! I am dreading this beyond words. Then I will keep track of my caloric intake for the next two weeks, use SlimQuick as a dietary supplement, and confirm when I can use the running track near our house. Finally, my mother and I are officially going to start Weight Watchers together as of January 24th!

56. Be a stay-at-home mom (and student) for one full year.

I will be submitting my application for a child care grant this week, and am waiting to hear back about financial aid. If these two things come together than I shouldn't have any problem getting to do all this. I guess I would be more of a Susie Homemaker than a stay-at-home mom, but we shall see. I only plan to have Bailey in Daycare 1/2 time so I can actually go to the campus for classes.

55. Update at least one blog each week. (2/147)

This one is self explanitory :)

51. Wear makeup one day each week for one year. (1/52)

Okay I know this one may seem a little silly and unimportant but it is not. Taking the time to even do just a little something for myself in the morning is a good thing. It only takes a few minutes, and it makes me feel a little better through my day.

23. Get an article published in Ice Magazine.

I've emailed one of the women from the magazine and now I'm just waiting to hear back!

10. Write, email, or call everyone from my friends list on Myspace and Facebook.

I am putting my list together as we speak. I've already talked to a few people but I still have a ways to go...

A Time for Change

No this isn't another of a million Obama ads. The election is over and change in the White House is far from my mind right now. Now do not think I don't believe this to be a great and historic event, but I doubt President-Elect Obama is currently worrying about paying off credit cards, finishing his education, or making sure one of his daughters doesn't throw up on him again...well that could be a valid concern.

As of today we have officially finished day two of the SAO transition. One that is far more important to me. I was a full supporter of bringing the new State Attorney in, and I in no way think that she doesn't have the best interests at heart for both the citizens of the 4th judicial, and the workers within it, or that she is more than qualified for the job. However, when you see some of your best friends being let go it makes it difficult. I feel as if I should be the one without a job and not them, for several reasons that they and I both know but I don't feel compelled to share with you at this time...perhaps gossip in a few months.

Right now I just have to sit and suffer. I hear daily stories of people being plucked from their 'homes' and moved to entirely different positions. People asked to do twice the work that they have done in the past for the same pay they have been making for nearly three years. In the end it is all supposed to be for the good of the office. We should run more effectively, and use less of the budget since we've cut a percentage of our staff, not to mention the great promise of raises to come. However, everyone must wait until the end of the year to see if this does in fact happen.

Does this mean that change is a bad thing? No, it doesn't. What it means is that an entire group, a family, must collectively sit and wait to see what happens to its remaining members. Hoping for the best in all aspects, but mentally preparing for the worst, because for some the worst has already happened.

101 Things In 1001 days

I have officially given in and about going to attempt to do this. I make no promises to be 100% successful, but I have hope that I can do it...or at least most of it. I figure you will all enjoy watching me, especially when I break down and go kayaking.

How it works:
The Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Start Date: January 5, 2009
End Date: October 2, 2011 (20 days before my 26th birthday!)

If a particular task is in bold then it is currently being worked on. If you see a number missing then look to the bottom of the list, all completed tasks will be there and in italics!

101. Visit a state I've never been to before. (Not Arizona or Washington)
100. Establish a weekly family night. (0/147)
99. Get down to a size 10.
98. Pay off all credit cards. (0/5)
97. Pay off both cars.
96. Buy an old car and fix it up myself.
95. Learn how to do all of my own automotive work.
94. Buy a nice digital camera (more than just your basic point and shoot)
93. Learn how to use #94 effectively.
92. Earn my AA.
91. Earn my BA.
90. Get a book published.
89. Run a 5k.
88. Go an entire month without cussing once! (0/31)
87. Go to church every Sunday for a full year. (0/52)
86. Volunteer in some capacity at church.
85. Volunteer with the Children's Christmas Party of Jax in 2009 and 2010. (0/2)
84. Take on a second case and maintain 2 cases at a time as a Guardian ad Litem.
83. Remodel my kitchen myself. (except electrical of course).
82. Go to Silver Springs with Steven.
81. Go on a cruise.
80. Get a sewing machine and learn how to use it!
79. Remodel our extra bedroom.
78. Paint the ceiling of our porch to look like the sky at night.
77. Learn sign language.
76. Go on a real honeymoon (more than one night!).
75. Get at least 101 recipes in my family cookbook. (19/101)
74. Start my own business.
73. Take a class at Michael's on cake decorating.
72. Visit Nick and Nelfi in Arizona.
71. Teach Bailey to sign.
70. Potty train Bailey.
69. Find and refinish 2 old rocking chairs and a table for the porch.
68. Buy an outdoor grill and use it at least once a month.
67. Teach Bailey to read.
66. Save $10,000 towards a down payment on a new house. ($200/$10,000)
64. Lose 60 lbs! (7.8/60)
63. Successfully complete the 365 Day challenge. Then turn it into a scrapbook. (0/365)
62. Mail a secret to PostSecret.
61. Identify 100 things that make me happy.
60. Have a full spa day for myself!
59. Play with the Lady Cudas in Montreal!!!
58. Read the Bible.
57. Attend service at a synagogue.
56. Be a stay-at-home mom (and student) for one full year.
55. Update at least one blog each week. (4/147)
54. Declutter my life - get rid of 101 things (ex: clothes, books, etc.) (0/101)
53. Replant our apple trees.
52. Visit my sister in Seattle.
51. Wear makeup one day each week for one year. (3/52)
50. Learn how to re-upholster our dining room chairs.
49. Fill an entire sketchbook.
48. Make a list of all the DVD's we own.
47. Watch every DVD we own.
46. Have Meatless Monday meals at least once a month. (0/33)
45. Get an annual family portrait. (0/3)
44. Read one book for pleasure each month. (2/33)
43. Host a family dinner night each month. (0/33)
42. Learn how to change my own tire.
41. Volunteer for the Zoo's Spooktacular.
40. Remodel our living room.
39. Make a fabric headboard for the master bedroom.
38. Hang drapes and paint the master bedroom.
37. Redo landscaping in the front yard.
36. Mail Christmas cards out early in 2009 and 2010. (0/2)
35. Remember to mail birthday and anniversary cards each month. (0/33)
34. Organize a family reunion.
33. Go to at least 2 parades a year. (0/6)
31. Go to a theatre production twice a year. (0/6)
30. Save $1,001 with coupons! ($50/$1,001)
29. Grow my hair out and then cut it to donate to Locks of Love.
28. Get GPA back up to 3.0!
27. Get accepted to and attend the University of North Florida.
26. Have or be pregnant with child number 2 (assuming we decided to go that route).
25. Get a passport.
24. FINALLY change my name with the SSA!
23. Get an article published in Ice Magazine.
22. Draw at least one portrait per month. (0/33)
21. Be positive for an entire day each week for a year regardless of what happens! (0/52)
20. Actually go to a restaurant that will cost more than $40 for both of our meals, and not feel guilty about it! (0/5)
19. Buy an acoustic guitar. (found the one I want and now I'm just saving up the $)
18. Learn to play at least 3 full songs on the guitar. (0/3)
17. Blog daily for one full month. (0/30)
16. Learn a new card game.
15. Go kayaking.
14. Get certified in CPR and first aid.
13. Take a photography class.
12. Learn to drive a stick shift. (So Steven will shut up)
11. Win a scholarship from an essay writing contest.
10. Write, email, or call everyone from my friends list on Myspace and Facebook.
9. Watch a sunrise at the beach.
8. See an IMAX movie.
7. Volunteer at the Ronald McDonald House 101 hours. (0/101)
6. Volunteer at the Humane Society 101 hours. (0/101)
5. Go to a Jaguars vs. Colts games and sit in club seats.
4. Write my life story in one day.
3. Set aside $5 for each completed thing towards a guilt free shopping spree for myself. Donate $5 for each uncompleted thing towards one of the above charities.
2. Enter into a competitive shooting event.
1. Make a new 101 list!

Completed Tasks:

65. Learn to make Amish cinnamon bread.

32. Write a letter to myself to open at the end of my 1001 days.

-The Redneck Princess

Who am I?

Bet you would like to know that wouldn't you? Sorry to say but I can't answer, and no it is not because I don't want to, it's because I can't. I am so beyond complicated that it would take the entire internet to fully express it, and who really wants to read that much anyways? I can promise you it would be boring by day 3...well maybe 5, I do have my moments of genius.

Here's a little taste of me, and what's to come to this here blog:

I really do love my husband. He’s a bad tempered union electrician, with more redneck than average Joe in him. But I love him. Except for the day’s he tries to convince me that we need to live on 10 acres out in the middle of nowhere, with huntin’ land and goats. And wouldn’t it be nice to make your own jam Baby Doll? Sigh. He’s off that mind set right now, and thankfully he’s quit talking about camping and dog trots too. Though I’m not willing to tempt fate. I’ve made sure to avoid any mention of camo, hound dogs, or Gander Mountain, lest I start him back up again. Lately he’s been set on fixing up old Monte Carlo’s and 80’s trucks. When I asked where he planned to put them while he fixed them, I swear he eyeballed our front yard. I bet the neighbors will love that, but at least it’ll hide the dead grass and dirt that currently occupy it. Beat up old cars...the lawn gnome of rednecks.

Happy reading!
The Redneck Princess